Over the past 50 years or so, we Americans have developed a severe drinking problem.
We stopped making our own iced teas and lemonades (recipe: water, lemon,
sugar) and started buying them in bottles or mixes, with ingredients
like "high-fructose corn syrup" and "ascorbic acid" on the labels. We
stopped thinking of a soda as a treat - akin to an ice cream or a candy
bar—and started seeing it as the equivalent of a glass of water,
drinking two, three, four, or more a day. Then we stopped drinking water
out of the tap and started demanding that it be artificially flavored
and put into bottled with the words "vitamin" or "energy" stamped on
their labels. And, in just the last decade or so, many of us stopped
brewing our own coffee and started buying things with vaguely European
names, like "mocha latte." And the result of all this beverage evolution
is that, today, walking into a convenience store or a beverage
distributorship has become dangerous to our health.
20. Worst Water
Snapple Agave Melon Antioxidant Water (1 bottle, 20 fl oz)
150 calories
0 g fat
33 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 2 Good Humor Chocolate Éclair Bars
While “Worst Water” may sound like an oxymoron, the devious minds in the
bottled beverage industry have even found a way to besmirch the
sterling reputation of the world’s most essential compound. Sure, you
may get a few extra vitamins, but ultimately, you’re paying a premium
price for gussied-up sugar water. Next time you buy a bottle of water,
check the recipe: You want two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen, and very
little else.
19. Worst Bottled Tea
SoBe Green Tea (1 bottle, 20 fl oz)
240 calories
0 g fat
61 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 4 slices Sara Lee Cherry Pie
Leave it to SoBe to take an otherwise healthy bottle of tea and inject
it with enough sugar to turn it into dessert. The Pepsi-owned company’s
flagship line, composed of 11 flavors with names like “Nirvana” and
“Cranberry Grapefruit Elixir,” is marketed to give consumers the
impression that it can cleanse the body, mind, and spirit. Don’t be
fooled. Just like this bottle of green tea, all of these beverages are
made with two primary ingredients: water and sugar.
18. Worst Energy Drink
Rockstar Energy Drink (1 can, 16 fl oz)
280 calories
0 g fat
62 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 6 Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Doughnuts
None of the energy provided by these full-sugar drinks could ever
justify the caloric load, but Rockstar’s take is especially frightening.
One can provides nearly as much sugar as half a box of Nilla Wafers. In
fact, it has 60 more calories than the same amount of Red Bull and 80
more than a can of Monster. If you’re going to guzzle, better choose one
of the low-cal options. We like Monster; it offers all the caffeine and
B vitamins with just enough sugar to cut through the funky extracts.
17. Worst Bottled Coffee
Starbucks Vanilla Frappuccino (1 bottle, 13.7 fl oz)
290 calories
4.5 g fat (2.5 g saturated)
45 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 32 Nilla Wafers
With an unreasonable number of calorie landmines peppered across
Starbucks’ in-store menu, you’d think the company would want to use its
grocery line to restore faith in its ability to provide caffeine without
testing the limits of your belt buckle. Guess not. This drink has been
on our radar for years, and we still haven’t managed to find a bottled
coffee with more sugar. Consider this—along with Starbucks’ miniature
Espresso and Cream Doubleshot—your worst option for a morning pickup.
16. Worst Soda
Sunkist (1 bottle, 20 fl oz)
320 calories
0 g fat
84 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 6 Breyers Oreo Ice Cream Sandwiches
Wait . . . but aren’t all sodas equally terrible? It’s true they all
earn 100 percent of their calories from sugar, but that doesn’t mean
there aren’t still varying levels of atrocity. Despite the perception of
healthfulness, fruity sodas tend to carry more sugar than their cola
counterparts, and none make that more apparent than the tooth-achingly
sweet Sunkist. But what seals the orange soda’s fate on our list of
worsts is its reliance on the artificial colors yellow 6 and red 40—two
chemicals that may be linked to behavioral and concentration problems in
children.
15. Worst Beer
Sierra Nevada Bigfoot (1 bottle, 12 fl oz)
330 calories
0 g fat
32.1 g carbohydrates
9.6% alcohol
Carbohydrate Equivalent: 12-pack of Michelob Ultra
Most beers carry fewer than 175 calories, but even your average
extra-heady brew rarely eclipses 250. That makes Sierra’s Bigfoot the
undisputed beast of the beer jungle. Granted, the alcohol itself
provides most of the calories, but it’s the extra heft of carbohydrates
that helps stuff nearly 2,000 calories into each six-pack. For
comparison, Budweiser has 10.6 grams of carbs, Blue Moon has 13, and
Guinness Draught has 10. Let’s hope the appearance of this gut-inducing
guzzler in your fridge is as rare as encounters with the fabled beast
himself.
14. Worst Kids' Drink
Tropicana Tropical Fruit Fury Twister (1 bottle, 20 fl oz)
340 calories
0 g fat
60 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: Two 7-ounce canisters Reddi-wip
Don’t let Tropicana’s reputation for unadulterated OJ lead you to
believe that the company is capable of doing no wrong. As a Pepsi
subsidiary, it’s inevitable that they’ll occasionally delve into
soda-like territory. The Twister line is just that: a drink with 10
percent juice and 90 percent sugar laced with a glut of artificial
flavors and coloring. You could actually save 200 calories by choosing a
can of Pepsi instead.
13. Worst Functional Beverage
Arizona Rx Energy (1 can, 23 fl oz)
345 calories
0 g fat
83 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 6 Cinnamon Roll Pop-Tarts
Obviously Arizona took great pains in making sure this can came out
looking like something you’d find in a pharmacy. But if your pharmacist
ever tries to sell you this much sugar, he should have his license
revoked. And if it’s energy you’re after, this isn’t your best vehicle.
Caffeine is the only compound in the bottle that’s been proven to
provide energy, and the amount found within is about what you'd get from
a weak cup of coffee.
12. Worst Juice Imposter
Arizona Kiwi Strawberry (1 can, 23 fl oz)
345 calories
0 g fat
81 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 7 bowls of Froot Loops
The twisted minds at the Arizona factory outdid themselves with this
nefarious concoction, a can the size of a bazooka loaded with enough of
the sweet stuff to blast your belly with 42 sugar cubes. The most
disturbing part isn’t that it masks itself as some sort of healthy juice
product (after all, hundreds of products are guilty of the same crime),
but that this behemoth serving size costs just $.99, making its
contents some of the cheapest calories we’ve ever stumbled across.
11. Worst Espresso Drink
Starbucks Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha with Whipped Cream (venti, 20 fl oz)
660 calories
22 g fat (15 g saturated)
95 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 8½ scoops Edy’s Slow Churned Rich and Creamy Coffee Ice Cream
Hopefully this will dispel any lingering fragments of the “health halo”
that still exists in coffee shops—that misguided belief that
espresso-based beverages can’t do much damage. In this 20-ounce cup,
Starbucks manages to pack in more calories and saturated fat than two
slices of deep-dish sausage and pepperoni pizza from Domino’s. That
makes it the equivalent of dinner and dessert disguised as a cup of
coffee. If you want a treat, look to Starbucks’ supply of sugar-free
syrups; if you want a caffeine buzz, stick to the regular joe, an
Americano, or a cappuccino.
10. Worst Lemonade
Auntie Anne’s Wild Cherry Lemonade Mixer (32 fl oz)
470 calories
0 g fat
110 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 11 bowls of Cookie Crisp cereal
There is no such thing as healthy lemonade, but Auntie’s line of
Lemonade Mixers takes the concept of hyper-sweetened juice and stretches
it to dangerous new levels. See, sugar digests faster than good-for-you
nutrients like protein and fiber, which means it’s in your blood almost
immediately after you swallow it. Drinking the 3 or 4 days’ worth of
added sugar found here jacks your blood sugar and results in strain to
your kidneys, the creation of new fat molecules, and the desire to eat
more. Ouch.
9. Worst Hot Chocolate
Starbucks White Hot Chocolate with Whipped Cream (venti, 20 fl oz)
520 calories
16 g fat (11 g saturated)
75 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 9 Strawberry Rice Krispie Treats
See that stack of Rice Krispie Treats? It’s just three treats shy of two
full boxes. Unless you were a contestant on Fear Factor—and there was a
sizeable monetary prize on the line—you’d never even consider noshing
down that much sugar at once. But here’s what’s interesting: While that
stack is the sugar counterpart to this atrocity from Starbucks, it still
has 40 percent less saturated fat. Makes us wonder what’s going on in
the hot chocolate. Stick to beverages with single-flavor profiles
instead of pile-on recipes like this and you’ll fare better every time.
8. Worst Frozen Mocha
Così Double Oh! Arctic Mocha (gigante, 23 fl oz)
662 calories
26 g fat (15 g saturated)
88 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 19 Oreo Cookies
The good news here is that this drink used to be twice as bad—and used
to contain as much sugar as in 41 Oreo Cookies (pictured). The bad news
is that even though it's halved the calories, it's still a piece of
work. A frozen mocha will never be a stellar option, but we’ve still
never come across anything that competes with this
cookie-coffee-milkshake hybrid from Così. Essentially it’s a mocha
Blizzard made with Oreo cookies and topped with whipped cream and an
oversize Oreo. The result is a beverage with more calories than two Big
Macs and more sugar than any other drink in America.
7. Worst Frozen Coffee Drink
Dairy Queen Caramel MooLatte (24 fl oz)
870 calories
24 g fat (19 g saturated, 1 g trans)
112 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 12 Dunkin’ Donuts Bavarian Kreme Doughnuts
Coffee-dessert hybrids are among the worst breed of beverages. This one
delivers 1 gram of fat and 4.6 grams of sugar in every ounce, making
even Starbucks’ over-the-top line of Frappuccinos look like decent
options. Maybe that’s why DQ decided to give it a name that alludes to
the animal it promises to turn you into. If you can bring yourself to
skip DQ and head to a coffee shop instead, order a large iced latte with
a couple shots of flavored syrup and save some 600 calories. But if
you’re stuck where you are, you’re better off pairing a small treat with
a regular cup of joe.
6. Worst Margarita
Traditional Red Lobster Lobsterita (24 fl oz)
890 calories
0 g fat
183 g carbohydrates
Carbohydrate Equivalent: 7 Almond Joy candy bars
Of all the egregious beverages we’ve analyzed, the Lobsterita surprised
us the most. The nation’s biggest fish purveyor is one of the few big
players in the restaurant biz to provide its customers with a wide
selection of truly healthy food options. We would hope they’d do the
same with the beverages, but obviously not. Drink one of these every
Friday night and you’ll put on more than a pound of flab each month.
Downgrade to a regular margarita on the rocks and pocket the remaining
640 calories.
5. Worst Float
Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream Soda (vanilla ice cream and cola) (large, 28.6 fl oz)
960 calories
40 g fat (25 g saturated, 1.5 g trans)
136 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 9.7 Fudgsicle fudge bars
Done right, an ice cream float can be a decent route to indulgence. Go
to A&W and you’ll land a medium for fewer than 400 calories. Order
it with diet soda and you’ve dropped below 200 calories. So why can’t
Baskin-Robbins make even a small float with fewer than 470 calories?
Because apparently the chain approaches the art of beverage-crafting as a
challenge to squeeze in as much fat and sugar as possible. Whatever you
order, plan on splitting it with a friend.
4. Worst Frozen Fruit Drink
Krispy Kreme Lemon Sherbet Chiller (20 fl oz)
980 calories
40 g fat (36 g saturated)
115 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 16 medium-size chocolate eclairs
Imagine taking a regular can of soda, pouring in 18 extra teaspoons of
sugar, and then swirling in half a cup of heavy cream. Nutritionally
speaking, that’s exactly what this is, which is how it manages to marry
nearly 2 days’ worth of saturated fat with enough sugar to leave you
with a serious sucrose hangover. Do your heart a favor and avoid any of
Krispy Kreme’s “Kremey” beverages. The basic Chillers aren’t the safest
of sippables either, but they’ll save you up to 880 calories.
3. Worst Drive-Thru Shake
McDonald’s Triple Thick Chocolate Shake (large, 32 fl oz)
1,160 calories
27 g fat (16 g saturated, 2 g trans)
168 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 13 McDonald’s Baked Hot Apple Pies
There are very few milk shakes in America worthy of your hard-earned
calories, but few will punish you as thoroughly as this Mickey D’s
drive-thru disaster. Not only does it have more than half your day’s
caloric and saturated fat allotment and more sugar than you’d find in
Willy Wonka’s candy lab, but Ronald even finds a way to sneak in a full
day of cholesterol-spiking trans fat. The scariest part about this drink
is that it’s most likely America’s most popular milk shake.
2. Worst Smoothie
Smoothie King Peanut Power Plus Grape (large, 40 fl oz)
1,498 calories
44 g fat (8 g saturated)
214 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 20 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
If Smoothie King wants someone to blame for landing this high on our
worst beverages roundup (and truth be told, its entire menu is riddled
with contenders), the chain should point the smoothie straw at whichever
executive came up with the cup-sizing structure. Sending someone out
the door with a 40-ounce cup should be a criminal offense. Who really
needs a third of a gallon of sweetened peanut butter blended with grape
juice, milk, and bananas? Sugar-and-fat-loaded smoothies like this
should be served from 12-ounce cups, not mini kegs.
1. Worst Beverage in America
Cold Stone PB&C (Gotta Have It size, 24 fl oz)
2,010 calories
131 g fat (68 g saturated)
153 g sugars
Sugar Equivalent: 30 Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies
In terms of saturated fat, drinking this Cold Stone catastrophe is like
slurping up 68 strips of bacon. Health experts recommend capping your
saturated fat intake at about 20 grams per day, yet this beverage packs
more than three times that into a cup the size of a Chipotle burrito.
But here’s what’s worse: No regular shake at Cold Stone, no matter what
the size, has fewer than 1,000 calories. If you must drink your ice
cream, make it one of the creamery’s “Sinless” options. Otherwise you’d
better plan on buying some bigger pants on the way home
